The Dressmaker is a viewing experience you may want to miss. I normally love weird and quirky films, but this Australian movie ventured into the nether regions of weird and quirky, and not in a good way.

Kate Winslet plays Tilly who, as a young girl, supposedly kills the neighborhood bully, after which she is banished from town.  Many years later, after training as a seamstress abroad, Tilly returns home but does not receive a warm welcome. Judy Davis plays Tilly’s mother, Mad Molly, a crotchety hellion who starts out crazy, but then miraculously recovers her sanity mid-movie. Liam Hemsworth plays the hunky boyfriend who bears the unfortunate name of Teddy McSwiney. Yep. Maybe not so bad as, Teddy McPiggy, but close.

Let’s start with the good points. Viewers are treated to lovely shots of the Australian countryside. We get to watch Tilly sew a beautiful array of 1950’s dresses. And, the camera frequently lingers over Liam Hemworth’s spectacular abs.

Now the bad points: Except for Winslet, Hemsworth and Davis, the rest of the acting is grind-your-teeth terrible. Also, the screenwriter couldn’t seem to decide what kind of movie she wanted The Dressmaker to be. A comedy?  A drama?  The movie vacillated from “please take me seriously” to “if you believe that, I’ll tell you another.”

SPOILER ALERT

            Do not read on if you want to be surprised by the ridiculous plot twist that occurs in the third act of the movie. If you still are reading, don’t blame me for ruining the surprise. I warned you.

            At some point, Hemsworth shows Winslet that she did not murder the bully. The bully killed himself.  He made  little finger horns along both sides of his forehead then ran headlong into a brick wall which resulted in him breaking his own neck.  (Please stifle the urge to giggle.)

This revelation lifts the weight of shame and guilt from Winslet’s shoulders. Hemsworth declares his love and proposes marriage. After the couple engages in a little nooky, they retreat to the top of a silo. Perfectly normal, right? That’s the first place I’d think of to go.

In any case, we viewers are lured into feeling calm and peaceful, wrongly believing that this train wreck of a movie is chugging toward its home station. But no, Winslet can’t help herself. She declares she’s cursed and can’t marry Hemsworth. In response, Hemsworth says that he is going to jump into the silo to show that she is not cursed. Yes, the logic of that thinking escaped me, too.

As Hemsworth makes ready to jump, my husband and I feared the worst. We shouted at the handsome, but profoundly stupid Hemsworth, “Don’t jump! Don’t do it. We want a happy ending, dammit!”

Our fears were not unfounded. In fact, they were founded. We did not get a happy ending. However, the scene did engender the best line of the movie, which was, “YOU CAN DROWN IN SORGHUM.” What the heck is sorghum? Not sure, but I now know NEVER TO JUMP INTO SORGHUM!

Should you watch this movie? I can imagine that if someone were drunk or high or if their minds were altered in some other way, that person would get a kick out of the film. I watched it stone-cold sober and later wished I’d spent the evening cleaning the vegetable drawers in my refrigerator.

I know. I’m being a little harsh. And probably this movie was meant to be ironic and the irony went straight over my head. I could be completely wrong . Who knows, you might like it. But definitely, for the love of all that matters, remember to STAY AWAY FROM SORGHUM!