Straight out of college, I took a job that gave me a year to “de-institutionalize” a group of 17-year-old kids who had spent their lives bouncing from one placement to another. My task was to equip them with the survival skills they hadn’t learned during their formative years. I was supposed to accomplish this before they turned 18, at which point the state would dump them on the curb.

            These kids had heartbreaking histories. Angie lost her parents and siblings in a car crash. Lenny spent his early childhood chained to a radiator. My favorite was Jimmy, a lanky man-child with unkempt shoulder-length hair and the saddest face you could imagine. All he wanted was a two-hour home visit with his family. I spent weeks arranging the trip. I helped Jimmy practice how to how to interact with his family. I found clean clothes that fit him. I made sure he showered on the day of the trip.

Giddy with excitement, Jimmy could barely sit still during the one-hour drive. No one came to the door of the apartment when we knocked. A neighbor told us the family had left for the day. Jimmy cried all the way home. I could barely keep from crying myself. To this day get weepy when I think about the depth of his grief. At the end of that year, I felt so distraught about the plight of my charges, I wrote a grant asking for funds to finance a halfway house that I wanted to establish. I didn’t find a single donor.

            Because of that experience, I was interested in seeing Instant Family, a movie about the foster care system and adoption. The film is based on a true story about a couple who decide to adopt three siblings.

            The main characters in the movie, Pete and Ellie, had never thought much about whether to have children. Even when they join a foster care discussion/training group, they seem ambivalent about proceeding with the process. However, they do wind up taking in three siblings, two elementary-aged children and a feisty teen. Early on, they seem to regret their decision, not quite anticipating all the challenges the traumatized kids would present. Later, when the bio mother of the children is released from jail and re-enters her children’s lives, they also weren’t prepared for the heart wrenching situation they found themselves in.

            You couldn’t ask for a better cast and good performances overall. Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne play the adoptive parents. Octavia Spencer and Tig Notaro portray case workers, who act more like a comedy duo, with Spencer interjecting unfiltered opinions and Notaro trying to keep her colleague in check. About halfway into the movie, Grandma Sandy (played by Margo Martindale) shows up and adds a burst of energy to the plot as she expresses lavish love and plenty of no-nonsense direction for her new grandkids.

            The film seems mostly true to life, not that my one year of post-college work makes me a big expert. They don’t cover up the flaws in the foster system nor do they sugarcoat difficulties in caring for traumatized children. I’m glad they include plenty of laughs in the depiction of daily life. This is a difficult topic, and we viewers need the comedic breaks. But I would have appreciated less slapstick and more nuanced humor. Some of the over-the-top scenes (similar in style to Cheaper by the Dozen) did not seem authentic and detracted from the film. One example is the scene where Pete and Ellie arrive at their teen’s high school and start threatening and chasing various people.

If you are interested in viewing a slightly different take on foster kids, check out Short Term-12 which stars Brie Larsen. I like this movie, although it’s not for everyone, especially not for a friend I invited over to watch it one time. He felt it was too grim and hated it.

            All in all, I’m glad I watched Instant Family. I especially loved seeing all the real-life photos of adoptive families at the end of the movie—they made me cry. I hope the film will persuade more folks to consider fostering and adoption.

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